oranges

Being good, as it turns out, is not easy.

Deciding to eat that whole bag of ghirardelli chocolate chips today was not an evil choice, but certainly doesn't help to make me better, nor fall in line with what I know to be good for me. And it got me thinking about why I so easily 1) make choices based on urges rather than knowledge, right now rather than according to my goals 2) feel myself becoming less "good" than I want to be, slipping.

The idea of climbing up to heaven or falling down to hell, while obviously not literal, is nonetheless a helpful (if dramatic) visual in thinking about choosing and becoming good and why it is so hard. You simply do not/cannot fall or give in to righteousness or goodness. You must choose, you must act. And you must exert. Hence you never become a weak person by choosing to climb on, but you do get tired and shaky.

It has always been easier to go down than up. Be it personal goodness or attempts to help others. My favorite quote as a teenager was "If it's hard to do, it's good for you". If you feel resistance, it probably means you're doing the right thing.

But often the other challenge is I am not certain just what is good/righteous/correct/best/mosthealthy/true/efficient to climb towards. I believe in God, whole heartedly. I believe in helping others, and in beauty; creating, discovering, and seeking it out. I believe in Eric and Anna. And music and mountains. It's the daily living part, the personal sculpting and minute to minute choices that swirl and just happen all too often without enough consideration.

So here's me re-comitting to the climb, to rejuvenated muscles and extensive views. To cary on in attempts at helping others, even if I'm unsure of my impact. To being aware of, grateful for the challenge of choice, and creating strength and more goodness with each decision.

And here's a lovely reminder how our seeing and remembering the good in our experience effects us and those we love. Sit down with a cup of tea if at all possible.




We tramped the open moorland in the rainy April weather
And came upon the little inn that we had found together
The landlord gave us toast and tea and stopped to share a joke
And I remember firelight
I remember firelight
I remember firelight
And you remember smoke

We ran about the meadow grass with all the harebells bending
And shaking in the summer wind a summer never-ending
We wandered to the little stream among the river flats
And I remember willow trees
I remember willow trees
I remember willow trees
And you remember gnats

We strolled the Spanish marketplace at 90 in the shade
With all the fruit and vegetables so temptingly arrayed
And we can share a memory as every lover must
And I remember oranges
I remember oranges
I remember oranges
And you remember dust

The autumn leaves are tumbling down and winter's almost here
But through the spring and summertime we laughed away the year
And now we can be grateful for the gift of memory
For I remember having fun
Two happy hearts that beat as one
When I had thought that we were "we"
But we were "you and me".