Also to be added to in segments.
I’m not sure when I started loving Eric. It is not beyond reason that we were aquainted before we came. Because it was not in my plans, it was not in my nature, to act and feel about someone, a stranger, as I did immediately about him.
It was like a music video. Walking down the sidewalk in the dappled light of ancient trees, students passing silently by in the autumn air. I was looking down. Then I looked up. His eyes met mine and it was there. A connection, an intrigue, a love begun. I looked away, pretended to be fascinated with the backpack in front of me, and we passed. I didn’t know him. But as I kept staring at that stupid backpack, all I could see were those eyes. Bright blue. Startling and comforting. Nothing at all like I was used to liking.
Days and other students passed with no repeat sighting. It bothered me that I thought about him, that I was so curious about him. I wanted to know him. And then I saw him, and I’m not sure what I thought I would do, but what I did was walk on by and pretend I hadn’t seen him. We crossed paths quite a few times, each time the same “look straight ahead” routine.
Then I noticed he seemed to be following me. Me. Pretended or real, I enjoyed the game. One time with him behind me, I walked a variation of my route, the route he typically “followed” me, and sure enough, he remained on my tail. I told Natalie about this boy I kept seeing everywhere and seemed to be following me. Since I didn’t know his name, he affectionately became known as “stalker boy”. And then he was gone. Because everyone was gone. The semester ended, we returned to Salt Lake. I didn’t think of him as much. But wondered if I would ever have the chance to know him. Worried that I wouldn’t. Confused that I would care.
* * *
January and school began. I was sure he’d left on a mission. Or even if he was still in Logan, the chances of running into him among the thousands was slim. I concluded my little infatuation with this boy I’d never met and never would again was rather silly.
Then I saw him from behind--his strangely familiar walk that I was embarrased to so quickly identify. He was here! I turned and went to class, where I tried to listen and feel what I was hearing was anywhere near as important as my discovery.
I’m not sure when I started loving Eric. It is not beyond reason that we were aquainted before we came. Because it was not in my plans, it was not in my nature, to act and feel about someone, a stranger, as I did immediately about him.
It was like a music video. Walking down the sidewalk in the dappled light of ancient trees, students passing silently by in the autumn air. I was looking down. Then I looked up. His eyes met mine and it was there. A connection, an intrigue, a love begun. I looked away, pretended to be fascinated with the backpack in front of me, and we passed. I didn’t know him. But as I kept staring at that stupid backpack, all I could see were those eyes. Bright blue. Startling and comforting. Nothing at all like I was used to liking.
Days and other students passed with no repeat sighting. It bothered me that I thought about him, that I was so curious about him. I wanted to know him. And then I saw him, and I’m not sure what I thought I would do, but what I did was walk on by and pretend I hadn’t seen him. We crossed paths quite a few times, each time the same “look straight ahead” routine.
Then I noticed he seemed to be following me. Me. Pretended or real, I enjoyed the game. One time with him behind me, I walked a variation of my route, the route he typically “followed” me, and sure enough, he remained on my tail. I told Natalie about this boy I kept seeing everywhere and seemed to be following me. Since I didn’t know his name, he affectionately became known as “stalker boy”. And then he was gone. Because everyone was gone. The semester ended, we returned to Salt Lake. I didn’t think of him as much. But wondered if I would ever have the chance to know him. Worried that I wouldn’t. Confused that I would care.
* * *
January and school began. I was sure he’d left on a mission. Or even if he was still in Logan, the chances of running into him among the thousands was slim. I concluded my little infatuation with this boy I’d never met and never would again was rather silly.
Then I saw him from behind--his strangely familiar walk that I was embarrased to so quickly identify. He was here! I turned and went to class, where I tried to listen and feel what I was hearing was anywhere near as important as my discovery.
I remember walking home on icy sidewalks, thinking. I should not be feeling this way. I have my best friend on a mission, who I really do love and in every way seems my destined future, planning to come home and marry me. Yes my feelings about that situation were confusing. Love was definitely there, but along with it a feeling I wasn't entirely right for him. I promised to date but had concluded I didn’t like it and wouldn’t find anyone that fit me, leading me to also conclude these little feelings I wasn't right for him were just nervousness. Since he was so obviously right for me. Then there was this new boy. I had never thought about someone so much whom I had never met. I am not your "typical" girl, and am probably not his type. I never act this way about boys.
More days passed without a sighting. But still the knowledge he was there warmed me for some reason, which continued to confuse me. Why these feelings? And what was I to do about them? I felt both numb and eager at the same time.
Then one sunny day, there he was, coming through the door. And there I was, opening my mouth and talking to him. Me. Talking to him. A normal Tuesday morning, on my way to Chinese government and politics, and I was having a conversation with him.
Me: “Hi.”
Him: “Hey”
He looked as surprised as I felt that I had said something, and smiled.
Now what?
Me: “Hey, did you go to Skyline?”
He had seemed familiar, so it was the only logical question
Him: “Yeah. You did too, right?”
Me: “Yeah. I did. You looked familiar. What’s your name?”
Him. “Eric. And you’re Brinn, right?”
What? He knew my name?!
I saw his two friends whom I knew, also from Skyline, not far behind him. They squoze through the doors (which we were blocking but didn't really care), said hello, and kept on walking. I’m not sure what we talked about next, or what I had intended to, but I really did have to be on time to class, and so after a few short minutes, we said goodbye. I was thrilled. I had done something so completely out of character. I had talked to this mystery boy. Shy little me. I climbed the carpeted stairs to class, heart pumping, breath quick, and realized there had been no number exchange, no talk of meeting up, no anything. Yes I had said something. But it may well have been the last something I ever said to him. I had no way of ever finding him again.
