merci

In the which I expose my own ignorance, and another's.

Printers are stupid. And neccesary. You think you are getting a great deal when you see that big box on sale for $39.99. Really? A printer, anything in that big of a box, for that cheap? It's my lucky day.  Home it comes, along with that happy little feeling you get when you are somehow the exception to some drab rule everyone else must nonetheless obey. And then you run out of ink.

I'm not sure how I made it through my life up until this point having never actually gone to buy the stuff. I look at my printer, searching for the number (you need a number, right?). I see the printer model, so I write that down on an index card and fold it into my pocket.

We walk in the glass doors to Office Max, where artificial light  is trying to make stacks of paper, pens, and science fair boards look exciting. I don't need a cart,  but get one nonetheless, since Magdalena is proud of her sitting abilities these days. She is tiny though, and slides around the seat, looking like her entire body could slip out the leg hole. So I stuff my purse and a blanket in to help her stay put, and we are off on our quest.

I locate the ink aisle, no problem. An old woman pauses mid- shuffle to smile at my baby. An entire wall of bright boxes. Tiny boxes, all priced at over $39.99.  I locate the EPSON section, and begin the search for NX515. But the numbers only go up to 100 something.  I must have written down the wrong number.  Aware that I am likely the only one to make such a mistake, I don't want to ask the worker, for fear of getting the same tone of voice a woman gets when she goes to get her car worked on. V-e-r-y slow and clear, simplified and slightly condescending. Like "Oh, you are cute for trying, but you obviously don't know anything." Yes, pride.

So I push my empty cart over to the printer section, feeling quite smart again.  "Can I help you?"  "No thanks, " I say with a smile. I won't be beat. But then my printer is nowhere to be found.

We rattle slowly back across the aisle to the ink section, not sure what my new plan is, and the same friendly worker walks by. Ok. Fine. "Um, actually, could you help me?" Thanks.  We walk on over to the correct section, he asks what ink I need, and I say "I'm not sure. I only know our printer is a NX 515?"  "Well then, you'll need 68 or 69." Obviously.  A too sweet smile at Magdalena eating my purse in the cart, then back at me. "Looks like you can do the $69.99 or $49.99."  Looks like I'm an idiot and ink is overpriced. "Thank you so much!" I say.

Back outside in the real air and light, a car pulls up in the spot next to mine. It is covered in stickers; statements about the world the driver wishes to be true. One stood out to me above the rest. In big red letters, all caps, it shouted
"THIS IS AMERICA! SPEAK ENGLISH!"

Immediately I felt hot. It was an instant surge of anger I was honestly quite surprised by. Images of happy Deh Meh sitting on the floor of her humid apartment wearing donated clothes and a ski mask on her head, intently watching my mouth as I said "My name is_____" . Then her saying the same phrase in Kareni and me feeling the sounds so strange and slippery as I tried to produce them back.

Obviously, whoever stuck those words there didn't think the audience to whom they are supposedly addressed intelligent or disciplined enough to read them. No. It is a message meant for those who can read. English. Meant to say something about the placer of the sticker.

Whoever drives that car has no idea where all these people trying to learn English are from, what they have known, or the struggle it is daily to make a new life here. There was no tone of "Let me help you learn". Or let me help you with anything, for that matter.

I understand and believe that learning English is a necessary and immeasurably useful skill for those relocated to America. But let us not shout. Maybe that driver could, if they truly felt so strongly about the issue, peel those ugly words off the back of their car, find someone who needs it, and then do something to help them SPEAK ENGLISH! instead.

Just a thought.