cheeks

Dear Anna,

You fell today at school. Swinging in the sun your beloved monkey bars, and then a face full of warm bloody wood chips. A cut lip and badly bruised nose made your face appear like a mask,  swollen and still, which made your brown eyes seem even bigger and more alive by contrast. You didn't say much.

You were so pleased your friend had given you a new pencil. You sat on the couch at the climbing gym, spinning it over and over in your hands.

When we walked in to Cafe Rio (thanks Nana for the giftcard), you put your hands up to be held like you did when you were two, and without thinking or hesitation, I picked you up. You leaned your head in, so we were cheek to cheek, you looking back, me at the commotion behind the glass, and it was a moment so delicious and simple I want you to know about it. We swayed back and forth. The noise and people all seemed so unimportant. All I could see feel or smell was my love for you and my gratitude for being your mom.

ahem.

To say anything on here feels very much like shouting, after such a long absence. And I haven't come armed with any great new thought, or even with any time to really say much. I am meant to be finishing full page reports for the 24 children I spend my days teaching. But it has been a long week, filled with long things to do. And before that, a long five months. And I am rebelling for twenty minutes and doing something just I want to. That has nothing to do with school.

At church today, after the 20 minute walk to the train station, a ride through underground tunnels, and then a 15 minute run through a literal monsoon, bouncing backpacks and babies and umbrellas, we sat on our utah-esque wooden bench in that overly air-conditioned chapel, and a man got up to share his testimony. In his message, I heard something sent for me. That is the magic of religion, of the physically meeting together (however bland and monochromatic it may look). Somehow, through something he decided to say into a microphone today, I felt a bit of the Devine.

I was not prepared or expecting to, to be quite honest. Most every solid in my life has been forced to simultaneously change state in this Singapore heat,  leaving me with liquids and vapors and urgent to do lists.

But I felt it. Today, this day, I felt it.

"And now, my brethren, I would that, after ye have received so many witnesses.... Yea, I would that ye would come forth and harden not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time.." -Alma 34

This is the soundtrack to morning journal time in my classroom. And my report writing. And pretty much any time I need to feel something lovely.