Abel

Every Thursday and Friday, 4: 00 or somewhere close to, Anna and I climb the flat cement steps to appartment 8, just off State Street. When the door opens, it's usually to a dark family room with a mother laying on the couch and at least one of the children watching Saved by the Bell. Or Dora.

We go to help Abel, the oldest of the three kids, with his spelling, reading, writing, and math. As we step inside and remove our shoes, the mother smiles and nervously nods her head as she tells one of her children (in Tigrinya) to go get a Fanta for us from the kitchen, and another to turn on the light.

We usually sit down on the other couch, and she is up and gone before we finish taking out all the books and materials for the day. Abel comes in, Anna attempts to crawl inside my body as the two younger siblings start excitedly asking her questions and offering her things to try and get her to play with them.

Some days it's a circus. Drinks spilling, Eritrean bread and yogurt falling into shaggy carpet, Delana running around with Anna barely hanging onto her back and Yosef literally hitting himself, over and over in an attempt to make her laugh.

Sometimes I am all knowing. All three kids plus Anna snuggle up next to me on the couch as we read stories  or play games and I answer their every question.

Other days it's awkard. The mom stays on the couch, her head and torso completely covered by a blanket she pulled over herself just after I walked in, leaving me unsure if she's hiding, resting, or just pretending not to be there.

But every time, our time together ends with all three siblings walking us out to the car, then running into the street and behind buildings to meet up with their other 8-12 year old friends roaming the streets unsupervised. Never to they check in with their mother.

My role is hard to know with this wonderful family. To them I am just someone from the IRC, a tutor. But when they're almost getting hit by cars, or discovering a chainsaw someone left out to dump, or trying to wade through a thick packet of story problems with wording and references to things absolutely alien to their minds,  about I feel this urge to protect, to mother them.

I neither question nor disrespect their own mother's ability. She has seen and done more than I can imagine. But they are in a foreign land now. There are things here she knows nothing about, things her kids soon will or already do. To have children so much more fluent in all things than you must be at once terrifying and demoralizing. The balance of power is off, and I worry she has turned off, her kids left to wander and watch obama impersonators singing gangam style on youtube.

I can't change or keep them from everything. I can't tell their brave mother how to mother. So, I just try and make the time we're together as beneficial as I can, and be grateful these three little bright eyed siblings are in my life for the time being.

*this last picture is shamelessly posed. The IRC asked me to send some pictures they can use for recruiting new volunteers. Yosef did a pretty great job taking it. He is 9, after all.

"let's have an adventure!"

None of this Tibetan mountain summiting happened today. So last year. 

But we did go to our neighborhood park and overhear a 4 year old boy making that suggestion to a new found friend. And my heart felt happy. And sort of wished I could join them. 

Here's hoping this little woman of mine has an many and as big of adventures as she can.

In response to the blog post liked and shared by so many of my lds women friends: "The LDS feminist protest: And why I won't be there."

First. Before you venture out into forming and then sharing your opinion, it is generally best to know or find out what you are talking about.

Nowhere is there so arranged a "feminist protest". The actual event, put together by Ordain Women.org, is to meet and respectfully stand (as active LDS women) in line together in the stand-by lines at the Priesthood session of this October's general conference, in so doing help the world/church leaders see that this is not something lds women just like to talk about on blogs and in articles, but that they are real, they are putting themselves there in a real way showing they are indeed asking and ready to receive an answer. Not protesting. Asking.

The reason this matters, dear blogger, is that by so labeling it as you have (the mormon feminist protest) and then quickly moving onto the reasons why it's great to be a women but this idea is just too radical,  many good and thoughtful women and men then feel they quite understand what it is, dismiss it without actually knowing or giving it any serious thought, and consider their minds made up on the matter, their lines drawn.

The thing is, neither side is crazy. This author truly seems to be a wonderful person. As are the women seeking revelation and further light. Give both sides a chance.

The standing in line at conference? I don't know if it's the best way.

But people's reactions to it have made me start to feel like maybe it is.

I repeatedly hear shared comments along these lines :

'This is so stupid!!! Why are those feminists even in the church if they don't believe the prophet. They have no right to ask for something like that. They should just leave." (Actual comment)  No right to ask for things from God or his representatives on earth? Have you read the Doctrine and Covenants? In which asking for and about things was the cause of almost every revelation given? One teeny example of a woman asking the prophet: Emma asked/complained and we received the Word of Wisdom, now one of the standards by which we are measured worthy to enter the Temple.

"Duh! It's not like it's secret. They can just read the talks online later. You women are idiots." (Another actual comment) Yes. Missing the point. The fact that the session is open to all male members (priesthood holding or not) as well as non-members, as long as they are male, just not women, is what is troublesome. President Monson's own wife was not even allowed to stand in the doorway to hear him give his first talk as a newly called apostle. She was ushered out and stood by the window to try and catch what she could.
 Or  this: "BYU Men's Chorus a few years back were set to be the choir for the priesthood session during conference. Their director, a woman named Rosalind Hall, was not allowed to direct her men's chorus at the priesthood session. Instead they put in another male director, Ronald Staheli, to direct. Sister Hall is renowned for her work with the men's chorus. She trained the choir, picked the music and rehearsed them yet she was not allowed to direct them at the priesthood session because of her gender."
This is (kind of silly and impractical) gender inequality in practice, not just a case of separate but equal roles. This is what is trying to be pointed out and if possible, changed. Also,  all "prospective elders" are welcomed to attend. These women want to show that they consider themselves as such. (note: anyone-- active, inactive, just-found-out-about-the-church etc. --is also welcome to attend, as long as they are male)

Or "God is the same. His laws and doctrine never change." Except when they do. Except that these commenters seem to have missed the whole Old Testament, New testament, and the process of the restoration and various re-definitions of the modern Mormon church. The reason for a modern prophet. Yes, God is the same. No, I don't understand why his laws and the way the church is run does change as it does. But to deny that things ever have or ever will change is just plain silly.

"Priesthood is something God has given to men only. Women wanting the preisthood is just proof that these women are way too worldly and influenced by satan." Have you ever heard of the prophetess Anna? The wise judge of Israel and prophetess Deborah? Have you ever been to the Temple? This is not something out of the blue or the huffington post. More along the lines of a restoration of all things. I wish so badly that this would have just been part of the original restoration and not felt like it was only now, only now that more women worldwide are asking (demanding rudely in many cases) for more opportunities and "equal rights" that it may actually be seriously considered. But here we are. So it was with polygamy and priesthood to all men. Often outside circumstances, times, and general trends do in fact lead the way to revelation for change.

Consider for a moment the good that could come from a Mother and Father, both able to join together in blessing sick or worried children. Of primary girls and boys watching general conference and seeing and hearing from women and men in near equal proportion. Hearing that women can have real and important gospel experiences and things to say and teach that merit as much time in a world wide meeting.

 To say that women were given motherhood and men the preisthood seems to lessen the importance of the fatherly role. The complimentary role to women's motherhood is male fatherhood. Both so critical and of value.

Here's the email I wrote to my parents letting them know I'd put up a profile on the OW site.

Just in case anyone asks you about it,
yes, I did put a profile up on Ordain Women. I'm not planning on going to the priesthood session thing with them, nor am I behind every action they take,  but I did feel like I should add my little (not angry) perspective to the whole thing. Feel free to (but no need to) read it. Just letting you know.

Here's an excerpt from the interview with Gordon B. Hinckley that kind of fuels this movement, and the reason they're trying to "agitate" or make visible their desires.

"RB: At present women are not allowed to be priests in your Church... Is it possible that the rules could change in the future as the rules are on Blacks ?

GBH: He could change them yes. If He were to change them that’s the only way it would happen.

RB: So you’d have to get a revelation?

GBH: Yes. But there’s no agitation for that. We don’t find it. Our women are happy. "

Also, here's a message I got today, which I share because it further explains why the profile:

"This message will come out of the clear blue sky, I am sure, but I just wanted to say that I was beyond delighted to see your profile on Ordain Women. It was moving and beautifully expressed.

I actually work for the church, so I can't put up a profile of my own. I work church history, and many (most?) of my colleagues support women's ordination, but very few people in my life outside the office are amenable to the idea. Mostly my facebook feed is full of people from high school and college saying unkind things about "the feminists."

Anyway, the point of this unsolicited ramble is to thank you for your courage in writing a profile. It helped an old friend feel less alone this week.

I responded:

Thank you for sending your unsolicited ramble:) The facebook/blog debate of this whole thing has sadly brought out the worst of both sides- things people would or should never say in person (or at any time). And I think it only makes both sides dig in deeper with ample justification that the other side is crazy.

I tried to just stay out of it for a long time, knowing how unfruitful it generally is. But I finally felt like I needed to be brave and just put my belief out there, hoping someone somewhere can read it and understand better why one person at least has questions, but still believes and hopes. Maybe start them thinking about why things are the way they are and what it could potentially be like. And that not everyone behind it is barreling towards apostasy.

I think the biggest things making women (who, as I have noticed are far more opposed to the idea than most men) so adamant is 1) their definition of feminist is narrow and negative 

2) they feel like asking the prophet a question is not following him 

3) the cultural norms and teachings we've been marinated in our whole lives seem totally incompatible with the idea 

4) they feel like a huge part of their identity is being belittled and challenged

5) a lack of interest in or knowledge of church history, particularly women's roles

6) They honestly see no need for change, and do indeed feel satisfied. They are happy.

It's incredibly frustrating though how over simplified and quick the responses and criticisms are, not to mention extremely unkind in many cases. But, understandable. Again, both sides are at fault. I think there is much success though in the fact that so many people are thinking/talking/typing about it who might never have before.

And thanks again for the message. You definitely are not alone!"